'you wouldn't pirate a-' i would steal anything from any company. anything in the world. i dont even want it i just hate you
Hi this is jigsaw. last week in starbucks you did a gross fucking burp that put me off my panini. In front of you is a panini press. You will notice also, that your dick is out,
The Barbie movie reminded me about how when I was little my parents were upset that I kept making my Barbie dolls kiss, so they bought me a Ken doll. The next day they found me having a funeral for poor Ken in the garden, he had died of tuberculosis. All the Barbies were in attendance and I buried him under our rose bush. The Barbies were too poor to afford a headstone (it was 1875) so I didn’t mark where the grave was and I never could find him again. He’s probably still there.
I hit a pothole (a Michigan pothole so basically a sinkhole) today and my check engine light came on. I don’t have one of those computer plugins to reset the light and I knew it was just a sensor that got knocked so I was just like “well let’s see if this works” and on the way home I swerved and hit the pothole again and the check engine light turned off
i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem
